Help available for teenagers with dating/violence issues

A young teenage girl comes into her office and says she's been a victim of date violence.

She is scared, hurt, embarrassed and doesn't know what to do.

Fortunately, help is available and this week Turpin and her staffer Jeanette Walker took an awareness message of hope and information to several local schools.

This is "National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week" and Turpin said she visited four of five local high schools over their lunch breaks to pass out resource information and talk to girls and boys about the problem of dating violence as well as date rape.

"We were just giving them statistics and telling them if this is happening to you, it's wrong. That was our point," Turpin pointed out. "We just handed stuff out during the lunch hour. The kids came up to us voluntarily. They weren't made to do it. The kids were receptive."

She visited Eastern Greene on Tuesday, Shakamak on Wednesday, White River Valley on Thursday, and Linton-Stockton High yesterday.

"It's a huge problem," Turpin told the Greene County Daily World on Thursday. "We have teenage clients all of the time. It is not unheard of."

She noted that statistically, during a lifetime 1 in 4 women will be a victim of dating violence and 1 in 10 men. In addition, 54 percent of teen girls surveyed nationally say at some point they have been abused by a boyfriend, and 37 percent of boys have said they have been abused by a girlfriend.

Turpin said it is important for parents to know what do if they suspect their daughter or son have been abused in a date situation.

"A lot of parents don't react because they just don't know what to say and they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and then it gets worse."

How can you tell if your teenager is in an abusive relationship?

"Because they are still learning about relationships, and your teenager may not understand that their relationship is abusive or perceive the dangers of being involved with a violent person. Dating violence affects children as early as middle school and occurs in a third of early relationships," Turpin explained. "Maintaining open communication is the best way to know about their relationships."

Turpin said many children don't want to talk about dating with their parents and may not wish to open up about their relationship.

There are some warning signs that might signal an abusive relationship.

* Sudden changes in habits or routines.

* Wearing clothing to cover bruises.

* Separation from their friends.

* Falling grades.

* Unexplained or suspicious injuries.

* Receiving harassing phone calls or being stalked.

"Talking to your kids about the safety of their relationships can be challenging for any parent. Teenagers may resent the intrusion into their privacy or the assumption that they have not made good relationship choices. The novelty of being in a relationship and the romanticized view of young relationships in popular culture may keep a teenager in an abusive relationship even if it becomes physically or emotionally violent," Turpin stated.

She suggests the following ways to approach your teenager about a relationship problem:

* Listen first. Let them tell their side of the story before you decide what to say to them.

* Stay calm. Getting angry will prevent your child from opening up to you or listening to your message.

* Let them know they are not in trouble. Talking about these issues with your parents can be tense and stressful.

* Let them know that you are concerned, that you love them, and that you want to help.

* Don't make ultimatums. Telling your children to leave a relationship may make it stronger. They are more likely to leave when they feel empowered to make the decision for themselves. Supporting them to make the right choices themselves will help them to make good relationship choices in the future.

* Tell them about their options. Sometimes it's easier to talk about relationships with someone who is not a parent. They can speak to a counselor at school, a doctor, or an advocate, such as those available at Middle Way.

Middle Way House is a National Model Domestic Violence Program and Rape Crisis Center based in Bloomington with a satellite office that was established in Bloomfield in 1994 and with an office in Jasonville since 2004.

Offices are also in Morgan, Martin, Lawrence and Owen counties.

Contract Middle Way House by calling 384-8769 in Bloomfield, 665-3642 for Middle Way in Jasonville, or (812) 336-0846 for Middle Way's 24-hour crisis line.