To Weave Our Dreams Upon

We met on a muggy July morning at The Phil. A friend had told me about her and everything that I had heard was very good. She was there in the clubhouse one day when I just happened to walk by and notice her. It was kind of like one of those double-takes, as I wasn't sure what I saw when I first glanced at her. She was a beauty no doubt, but what really attracted me to her was her style. She not only looked like she belonged on a golf course, she looked like she just floated out of my dreams.

With very little trouble I established our first date. She was going to spend that day with me on the course. I was ecstatic and eager to learn more about her. It was a day that began with such promise as we went outside and began to get to know each other better. The more time that I spent with her, the more comfortable I became and the more I felt at ease with her and with myself. It was a feeling that seemed to penetrate my inner being and I'm not sure I had ever approached anything so perfectly relaxing in my entire life.

I've had these relationships before in my life and I'll admit that I've not handled them well. Maybe I've expected too much, maybe I never gave enough of myself...I'm not sure what has caused my relationships to fail time and again and it has haunted my mind for years. I know that there were many times when I just gave up and walked away, but the underlying causes for these failures have always eluded me. When you fail so many times in these relationships you begin to question everything and it not only haunts you every day of your life, but it makes you gun shy and wary of ever attempting to try again. I had reached that point and that's what made this affair so special...I never thought that I would do this again and here I was...once again jumping off the cliff...head over heels...just falling again.

Yes, for some unknown reason, I was so confident on this day that things would be different...I just felt that my luck had changed...as if luck had anything to do with any of these affairs.

Our day got off to a wonderful start as we breezed through the first nine holes having a great time. I couldn't believe how good she made me feel and how great I felt every time she made a good shot. My admiration and respect for her continued to grow exponentially as each hole faded into the past. There was an intimacy here between us that I'm sure is difficult to imagine because of the unbelievably short time we had been together. We got along beautifully, although I was cautious not to get too excited because of my past history. The thought just kept entering my mind that maybe, just maybe, after all these years, after all of my previous botched attempts; I had finally found "The One". It was scary to even try to imagine something like that.

Yet here I was, as we were finishing this wonderful round of golf, I was thinking about where I could take her next, thinking about the future, thinking about what a wonderful life we could have together. How could a man think this after only being with her for 4 hours? As we approached the 18th tee, I wanted to say something, but I held back and thought better of it. I decided to wait until we got to the clubhouse, but then, all of a sudden, something felt wrong. I just touched her and she seemed so distant, so cold, and so different than I had seen her all through the day. What was it? Had I said something that I shouldn't and ruined everything? Was it something I had done? Maybe I just feared something that wasn't there, so I tried to put it out of my mind. I told myself "Just don't imagine something is there when it might not be, come on Simmons, just relax."

But it wasn't me, it was her. She was like all the rest of them and just when I had thought that we had something really special together, she turned on me. I tried to swing easy but she quit on me and never followed through. The ball went sailing off to the right, bounding over the creek into the 17th and on into the ditch...out of bounds. I slammed her head to the ground in disgust; she was just like all the rest. She teased me for 17 holes and then jerked me down that path to failure where I've walked so many times before. I slammed her head to the ground again and again. I'll never allow myself to be lured into that feeling again; she's the last new driver that will ever lead me into temptation. I'm through with them forever.

Forever.