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Greene County, Indiana ~ Thursday, November 20, 2008
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Synchronized Golf
Posted Friday, August 22, 2008, at 10:27 AM<< Previous | Read comments | Respond | Email link | Next >>
Since there was no more activity on the last article, I thought that I should write something. A couple of things have been on my mind recently, mainly because of the fact that my mind has been racing along at world record pace just about every evening with the Olympics on TV.
I'm fairly convinced that the Olympic swimming pool in Beijing is too short. I've thought about getting me one of those ultra sleek swimming suits that seem to propel these fish-like Olympians through the water like runaway torpedoes. I seriously doubt that they make them in size Triple-X and the sight of a fast moving Beluga may be more than the lifeguards can handle at the Linton pool.
After watching the synchronized swimming and synchronized diving, I have invented a new game...synchronized golf. I'm pretty sure that we can modify those magnificent timing devices that they use under water in the swimming pools to allow us to capture the timing differential between two people hitting a golf ball. Point deductions will be taken for the time differential, as well as for style, form and just overall esthetic beauty of the swings. As the balls land, deductions will be taken from the yardage differential at the point where the two balls land. Of course, a perfect 10 landing score would only be awarded if the two balls landed atop of one another.
I shall petition the IOC to allow entry of synchronized golf as a demo in the 2012 Olympics. Since I am the inventor of the game, I shall not participate, but I plan to ask Curt Hatton and Kevin Lehman if they will consent to begin work as the USA hopefuls for our first synchronized golfing Gold Medal.
I will be watching the Weiner Dog races at Ellis Park this weekend and plan on providing a full report upon my return. Comments Showing comments in chronological order [Show most recent comments first] |
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Bob looks a tad bit trimmer in that photo. Looks like a Florida shot about 8 yrs. ago
Simmons, I would try to walk through a wall at your request. It would be an honor to participate as long as you would be our coach and mentor!
What would be the degree of difficulty to synchronize Hatton and Erdly?
There has never been an Olympic coach in the history of the Olympics, and I could go back to Pliny the Elder's decathalon coach (and poor old Pliny tried like heck to be a great decathalon athlete), who could synchronize Chuck and Curt in the golf swing.
I have the greatest respect for both of their swings, however they definitely could not be copied individually at any point, but the precise timing and, most importantly, the ability to maintain the esthetically beautiful uncompromised coordinated swing pattern necessary for the Gold Medal, both contestants must maintain a solid right to left or left to right swing plane in the same precise movement in conjunction with his fellow teammate. As much as I would like to see Chuck participate, I feel that Curt and Kevin would be ideal teammmates to lead the USA to the Gold.
No, it wasn't me, but there is some interesing reads on the web about some Canadien ladies, I think one was a Sellers, maybe related to Peter, who were among the first to participate in what was termed the swimming arts.
I think maybe it was Esther Williams or maybe Dom DeLuise in Blazing Saddles, who had the greatest influence on synchronized swimming. Seeing Wigs' swing in slo-mo HD would probably rival the old instructional videos made by the late Bob Jones.
The Decathalon winners are the greatest athletes in my opinion.
http://www.celebrity-link.com/video32/32...
Nice video of Esther Williams and some early "synchronized swimming"
Coincidentally, last night I was looking at some old classic TV bits on Youtube and came across what has to be the Gold Medal in golf for addressing the ball, Ed Norton's wavy salute and, "Hello, ball!".
They just don't make them like that anymore.
Actually, I think Ol' Simmons' swing could be synchronized with Bob's. He'd have to stand up straighter, shorten the back swing, close his stance up quite a bit, slow it down ...Nah, on second thought, forget it.
Sports are a good thing, I believe. Good in the backyard with the family and neighbors, good between schools, cities, states, and countries...yet to me things have gotten a bit out of hand, so to speak. The greatest athelete? I think the "unspoken" qualifiers are often missed by the masses. I mean it should go something like this: For those wealthy enough to participate, and who are interested in this particular competition, at this point in time,( enter name)is the greatest athelete of this event.
As cool as I think it is that Michael Phelps has made olympic history, honestly, in the end, I am really not impressed. Given about 71% of our great planet is covered by water, and that we evolved from creatures from the sea, and that swimming is a physical experience that is a timeless survivor skill, maybe we as a species have a inherent interest in who's good at it? That would help to explain the hoopla.
Now if the decatheletes had to compete on a course where there were bullets flying, you know, say in a war zone of some type, then I would think the winner should deserve some kind of prestigious title, but greatest athelete?
The Mayans had a sport, an early form of basketball, where they would play to the death. Now those guys were serious, and they played for keeps. But could the winners be considered the greatest athletes? If I were from that time and I had any aptitude at all for the game, I would have kept it quiet, stayed under the radar and concentrated on perfecting my use of a hoe.
But I have to say, it would be a hoot to see Keith and Bob come up with a synchronized golf swing. And T.C. could swing around the crepe paper as he jumps around on the green.
After watching five heart-stopping Weiner Dog races yesterday, there are no doubts in my mind about the greatest athletes.
Did anyone notice that Wiglund tried to pull the "I eagled that hole"on number 15 this weekend.
I lost all respect for him after that, and he needs to stick with weiner dogs since they can out run him.
Speaking of great athleticism, Dylan & company put on one fine 2 hour show last night down in Evansville on the stage of the Mesker Amphitheatre. Great acoustics, great choice and cover of songs: Leopard skin pillbox hat, I'll be your baby tonight, It's all over now baby blue, Thunder on the mountain, Hard rain's gonna fall, I believe in you, It's all right ma I'm only bleeding, Highway 61, Like a rolling stone, a few others, and then a smokin' hot version of All along the watchtower finished the show. At 67 years of age the man's voice, though rough and seasoned, was able to convey a wide range of emotion and deliver the goods, so to speak (or sing as it were). Great show. I may never see him again live and in person, so it is nice to be able to have such a performance to remember.
I too think Decatheleetes (sic) are probably the greatest atheleets... gee if you can do one thing great -- your great but if you can do 2 your better right??? and there you go 10 times... :)
Hemingway once rang, "...bullfighting, auto racing and mountain climbing are the only true sports, the rest are merely games."
I personally think that Wigs could outrun a midsized weiner dog, maybe not a puppy but definitely a mid sizer. I want to know what type of enticement was at the finish line, myself, wigs, nor a weiner dog would run 70 yards without sufficient reward...Pavlov says so.
B ball fan, I made that Dylan post mostly for you, for I remember you are an ardent fan of Mr. Zimmerman. Yea, it was a kick-ass show...A warm summer night under the heavens with my baby,and Bob for entertainment. His voice was much like it is on "Love and Theft".
I didn't get to see him in Bloomington last year, but several fans told me the acoustics for his voice was terrible. Fortunately Sunday night's show was everything a fan could hope for from him. We had great seats,yet we were able to upgrade to about 20 feet from the stage for his encore of "Like a rolling stone" and "All along the watchtower". And then at the end he lined up with his band and smiled and pointed around the amphitheatre with both hands like he was saying " Did ya get it? I gave ya my heart again."
Ol' Simmons' blogs never cease to amaze me. Starting from the title Synchronized Golf we encountered Pliny the Elder, weinerdogs, Dom DeLuise, the Mayans, Hemingway, Dylan and Pavlov.
This blog follows the sage advice of Yogi Berra, "Whenever you come to a fork in the road, take it."
Pointing guns? You know he loves to feed those who interview him a line of b.s. a mile long. He was once asked by an interviewer what he thought about handguns, he said "I think they're great, everbody should have one." He likes to make fun of those who ask him stupid questions, it seems.
Brownsville Girl...I think he co-wrote that with McMurtry. It goes on and on.
"Night of the Foolish Moon" would be an enjoyable time, I'm sure. Maybe we can get a bus load of Ol' Simmons groupies together and catch one of those shows? minermama, you drivin'?
Simmons, just wondering if you had any inside information on the rumor that Roger Clemens was the pool boy in Beijing?
Years ago, we used polymers as additives to water injection floods in the oil field to increase its' viscosity, thereby increasing the sweep efficiency through the hydrocarbon bearing rock formations. Consequently, I would think that it would be just as possible to alter the properties of the water to allow the swimmers to move more efficiently through the pool.
It is obvious to me that Roger Clemens wouldn't be smart enough to do something like that, but if you paid him enough he might come in midway through the Olympics to administer it to the pool. Sounds more like a Canseco job to me. He's pretty much the brains behind everything "chemical" nowadays.
I was out of town with a crazed bunch of groupies last weekend, so I need to take a weekend off to recover. Especially after the trip through the bean field on the way home. However, I'm still looking at a rail trip to San Antonio, if anyone is up for it.
* It was Shepard, not McMurtry